The Guardian, Stuart James : “Carlo Ancelotti claimed he was “lucky” to still be in a job before this game but good fortune only lasts so long. The Chelsea manager will do well to hold on to his position after his side suffered a humiliating defeat that exposed the brittle confidence within their ranks and the alarming depths to which the champions have fallen. Nine points behind Manchester United having played a game more, their title challenge looks to be over.”
Daily Telegraph, Jason Burt: “Against the Wolves Gold, Chelsea were the Fool’s Gold and club owner Roman Abramovich will not want to view much more of this, his millions invested in a team that appears paralysed in a disbelieving torpor unable to rouse itself and offering little but a poverty of ideas.”
Official Chelsea FC Website: “The nightmare run continues after another away defeat, this time against the league’s bottom side.”
I rang my usual pub, which serves illegal satellite broadcasts, to double-check they were showing the game.
“Sorry mate, we only show games involving the top four,” came the reply.
How crushing! It’s OK if you’re a Wolves fan, their heyday was in the 50’s so they’ve had half a century to adapt to mediocrity and lowly expectations, but I’ve only had three days to adapt to life in the second tier.
I have to be honest and admit it took a lot more effort than usual to get out the house and seek a pub but I’m a true blue, have been for years and, rather like John Terry, I’m willing to dive in even though I know it’s going to be painful.
So I joined the throng at the appointed hour, a mix of individuals in these austere days with some out of work and others sure they’re about to be out of work watching Carlo, who thinks he’s lucky to still be in work, managing a team of which five or six would be out of work if it wasn’t so expensive to terminate their contracts.
Blue_MikeL requested I use a food theme. Clearly the stress is getting to Blue_MikeL and he’s now turned to comfort eating. Anyhow I’m happy to oblige.
The other day I saw a programme on TV about the mass production of chocolate Swiss rolls. It was quite fascinating. The sponge mix had to be a perfect consistency, squirted onto the conveyor belt and checked by laser to ensure it was the perfect height, fast baked, covered in chocolate filling, rolled and then smothered in the chocolate coating. Row after row after row of chocolate Swiss rolls sped down the conveyor belt. It was impressive but after a while became a bit boring since nothing new ever happened and it was all too predictable.
And oh how it was all too predictable watching Chelsea. Give away an early goal to make sure it was an uphill task, as if life isn’t hard enough, then wave after wave after wave of predictable attacks that petered out on the edge of the penalty area. Row after row of Swiss rolls.
Six minutes in Wolves won a corner. Their corner managed to beat the first man (see it is possible) but everyone missed the ball except Bosingwa who managed to stick his leg out and poke it into our goal.
- Cech Eggs – generally keeps things tight and doesn’t allow too much to pass through the back.
- Ivanovic Pecenje – roasted meat is a great Serbian meal, and men especially enjoy eating it.
- Cole Panettone – seems to have gone a bit dry and stale.
- Bosingwa Souffle – collapses in a heap for no good reason.
- Terry Meat and Two Veg – proper man food.
- Essien Bison – this was going to be the new beef but it was just a novelty. Let’s stick with beef.
- Ramires Spring Chicken – may grow into roast chicken.
- Lampard Roast Chicken – a reliable dish.
- Malouda Marmite – we hated him, we loved him, we hated him.
- Drogba Oyster – once a pearl but now gone off and will cause severe poisoning.
- Kalou Swill – not fit for humans.
- Carlo Tortellini – yes I read his autobiography because I’m a devoted fan and his favourite food is tortellini. You can stuff tortellini with cheese, meat or spinach and serve it with tomato sauce, a ragu or pesto. But whatever it’s stuffed with or served with it’s still plan A, tortellini.
A meal like this hasn’t been served since Basil Fawlty tried to organise a Gourmet Night. We need Gordon Ramsey to visit us to help us restore order in the kitchen otherwise Carlo will be getting the ‘F’ word real soon… FIRED!