The Bipolar Express: The Apathy Show

As any connoisseur of music knows, the very best songs, the ones that live in the memory that can pierce the side with almost literal pain, that can invoke instant tears are the songs born of angst, heartbreak, loneliness, tragedy and the deepest, bleakest depths of human emotion. Yes, there are people who can write happy go lucky pop tunes for fame obsessed ephemeral wannabes to get their 15 minutes, but these are soulless automatons driven by greed, profit and vanity. Who cares about hearing if someone is hap-hap-happy, falling in love with his or her baby, going out on the town clubbing or loving the dancing? Great for a quick heroin-like fix but ultimately vacuous empty meaningless bollocks.

Similarly, any writer knows that the best inspiration for any piece of prose on any subject is when they’re suffering, and that I imagine is just how the vast majority of Chelsea fans feels today. Yes, we all now someone who wears permanent blue tinted glasses who constantly wants to tell you to be positive, but if you’re anything like me you really just want to shove something where the sun don’t shine, preferably something spiky and then ask if they still feel positive.

So, instead of the usual calm rational, planned article, let’s get down and dirty and wallow in the filthy murk of bitter emotion shall we?

Of all the teams I dislike, Liverpool are right up there at the very top. Over the years I’ve pointed my hatred gun at different clubs, some long-term, some short-term. Spurs have always been a club I’ve disliked, Arsenal as well especially during those interminable years of them dishing out regular beatings to us. Manchester United have had their share of my vitriol as well, but my admiration in equal measures. On lesser scales I’ve hated QPR during the early 70’s when everyone around me seemed to be jumping on that Marsh/Bowles bandwagon (it wasn’t easy being a Chelsea fan in Hayes, believe me). My love of Chelsea started in 1970 before the FA Cup Final against Dirty Leeds, a team I have hated for years down to Revie’s anti-football, vile fans and their constant rattling on about being a ‘big club’. But we haven’t had to worry about Leeds for a while, so instead we had the ready-made replacements of Liverpool come along. Now I never really had anything against Liverpool until Heysel came along, when a darker side to their support was put on show. Then of course came the tragedy of Hillsborough, which turned out to be a catalyst for improvements in English football. Despite this I could never reconcile that with the stuff I saw from their fans at Heysel, and to this day I’m mystified why that tragedy has been swept under a carpet in comparison to the awful Hillsborough event.

Then along came Rafa and the interminably dull battles we had in the Champions League. I could just about stomach Rafa’s increasing insanity but the constant stupidity of the fans calling us plastic, Chavski (ho ho how original) and rubbishing a history that whilst not so glorious in terms of winning as theirs, was just as valid to every Chelsea supporter. Their bile was borne of jealousy… their club in decline watching helplessly as Manchester United carried out the Fergie promise of knocking them off their perch, and then watching our club under its changed fortunes actually have the temerity to break the stranglehold that United and Arsenal had on the league. Ultimately it’s a very Red (as in Russian) attitude based on the politics of envy, an irony really when you hear the stick they give us for having a Russian owner.

Because of this rational (yes perfectly rational) hatred I have of Liverpool based entirely on what I’m sure is a minority of pig ignorant fans, but even more ignorant thick ex-players (yes John Aldridge I mean you) I wind myself into knots before any game with them. I can’t sleep, eat or think straight the day before and in the lead up to the game so desperate am I for us to beat them. And yes, I agree, maybe a psychiatrist might be a good idea. So, the utterly apathetic, passionless, incompetent, spiritless, witless drivel of a display we put out on Sunday feels like a personal slur against me. After the expectation fed by recent results I genuinely felt we’d be up for this game like no other.

What we got was a performance that would have shamed a Sunday morning pub team after their annual Christmas party the night before. Drogba was so poor I could have cried. Anelka tried to find spaces to play him in because Torres was firmly locked down by at least three Liverpool players whenever he looked to be near the ball. That should have made space for Didier but he was in lumping great oaf mode so all he did was one good defensive header and then show us how on a bad day he can’t pass, tackle, shoot or control a ball. Lampard was dreadful, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen such a piss-poor display from him. He seemed detached from the game and his passing was terrible as was his ball control. Bosingwa is starting to look like the worst £17m ever spent. He can’t cross, opting as he does for the low ball straight to the opposition’s feet. Even Gronkjaer got the odd one in. During the first half we could have had a picnic down by the West/Matthew Harding stands area of the pitch and still Bosingwa wouldn’t have found us. Gaping great spaces everywhere. Cech was at fault for the goal, and his spat with Ivanovic shows patently that he’s no Schmeichel when it comes to keeping his defence informed and bossing his area. Essien is a shadow of the player we bought. Is this just a winter thing or has his power, passing and ball control also just disappeared? Obi started badly with a yellow card, which rattled him; but at least he did gradually get back into the game, albeit with the Sword of Damocles waiting to drop at the next mis-timed tackle.

Ashley Cole ran a lot, Torres as one might expect was simply crowded out of the game, and Anelka looked for openings but must have been frustrated at the lack of movement from the remaining forward he could service. JT was his usual self but seemed to lose influence after the goal. One has to ask if he’s lost the fear factor in geeing up the others on the pitch. Kalou and Malouda came on and contributed precisely nothing to a performance that was shameful. Our one true bright spot was David Luiz, who came on with his hair, started bossing others around and was possibly one of the few in blue who looked comfortable with the ball. He just oozed class. We also badly missed the running of Ramires yesterday, a young lad putting Essien to shame in my view. As a comparison, look at the hateful Dirk Kuyt. Technically a bit limited, a niggling irritant in the mould of Bellamy… but boy does he put in a shift for Liverpool for every second of the game. Our players should watch the video paying attention to Kuyt, and they should be downright ashamed by comparing their attitude to his.

And finally to Carlo Ancelotti. I want to support him. I’ve said before that we don’t really need the managerial roundabout starting again. But, tactically he is starting to look inept. One can almost predict the substitutions he’s going to make, almost down to the exact minute he’ll make them. He seems as bad as Wenger when it comes to that Plan B. Jose, as I’ve oft said had plans going all the way to Z. I’m publicly also questioning why he seems to think he can do the job alone, with no number two to speak of. Clement might be good, but he ain’t no Clarke, Phelan, Kidd, Jordan, Platt, Rice or similar. And Emenalo isn’t even another Tony Glover as far as I can see in terms of football experience. Is it just me who’s worried by this? Is he that stubborn, or that weak? Surely the club would get as much of a lift as it did with Torres/Luiz, if it signed up Zola, or Di Matteo to act as Carlo’s number two? Someone to act as his foil, to offer alternative thoughts… someone to be his wingman!

The league has gone now to all but the utterly deluded. The games against United will almost certainly be dead rubbers. Does anyone think we can beat Manchester City if we can’t even draw with what is still a comparatively poor Liverpool side? Even Spurs must fancy their chances when they come to our part of town. Carlo and Roman need to get a grip on the current malaise to prevent more pathetic displays like Sunday’s where we only had one shot on target. I hate losing, but worse than that I hate losing in such a spineless, gutless, passionless and apathetic manner as shown on Sunday.

Sort it out Chels!

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  1. PeteW

    As somebody who grew up in South London in the 80s surrounded by glory-hunting Liverpool supporters, I found it amusing that their biggest game of the season was against little old us but also irritated by their accusations of ‘plastic fans’ given the huge numbers of wannabe Scousers that have attached themselves to Pool over the years. When I first went to Anfield to see the mighty Kop in the late 80s I was staggered by the silence, the lack of wit and imagination, the arrogance and the sheer tedium of that famous terrace. The Shed may have only been half full, but it made twice as much noise. Outsinging the Kop was as easy as anything, and they weren’t much better when they came to London.

    I also remember Heysel and being told by dozens of Liverpool fans at school that ‘It was all the fault of Chelsea fans’. This was a claim made by their club chairman and uncritically repeated in the media. As far as I am aware, Liverpool have never apologised for this slur. This is one of those things that gets whitewashed from their history, like the match-fixing, the low attendences (8,000 for a Europan Cup game in the 80s!), the violence and the racism (they were no better than anybody else on this score).

    Despite all this, I’ve always been quite fond of Liverpool. They are a great club, with strong traditions and have produced one of the greatest sides I’ve ever been lucky enough to watch – the 1989 team with Houghton, Whelan, Barnes, Beardsley and Aldridge. I used to read Liverpool fanzines and appreciate the perspective of a successful club, the sort of expectation I had never previously understood. Some of my friends were Liverpool fans and I respected their views, even though they had never been to Liverpool and rarely went to any football games at all.

    But the last week has changed that. The bile coming from the north-west – and repeated by numerous Liverpool ex-players and supporters in the media – has been extraordinary. It should be embarrassing for them, but nobody will call them up on it. On blogs, on radio and on twitter there has been the unrelenting drone of the Liverpool machine in action: pompous, bitter, entirely lacking in self-awareness or respect for other clubs. I’m sure there are still decent Liverpool fans out there, but even these have a sort of quasi-fascist cultish belief that will not allow anybody to dissent from the Liverpool Are Unique line.

    And this has made me realise one thing: Chelsea are not a big club. The fans I know and interact with at games, on twitter and on the internet are not priggish, blinkered and self-important, we don’t lack perspective, we don’t (in general) think we are better than everybody else, we acknowledge weaknesses and celebrate the bad as well as the good in our history. We are VERY good at laughing at ourselves. In short, we are not Liverpool and I hope to god we never become like them because that’s not my idea of what makes somebody a football supporter.

  2. Cunningplan

    I certainly had a like towards Liverpool way back, when they were top dogs They had some great players, and played some terrific stuff, and I always hoped that one day we could be as good, and as dominant.
    I remember the pundits and media espousing their fans as the most knowlegable in football, always praising and applauding opposition teams if they ever got beaten. I see that now in it’s true light, of being patronising and arrogant on their part, it’s easy to be magnanimous in defeat when you lose so rarely, and win so much silverware like they did.

    I agree, I hope most Chelsea fans will never end up like their bitter and arrogant fans.

  3. bluehoo

    Great article Tony. I too have no objection to losing – hell, I got used to it during the 70’s – but none of the teams then would have lost in so spineless a manner as we did on Sunday.
    My hope is that the display was a one-off, and when the bollockings have been issued and the dust settled, we will return to the path of steady improvement we were beginning to witness in January.

  4. Der_Kaiser

    Very enjoyable read chief, and grazie for giving my ramblings a day’s grace.

    Had much the same experience as Pete growing up; skewed slightly in the sense that I was actually born up there but didn’t support them, which endlessly confused those who did having been born in deepest Bexley.

    The number of plastic fans down here always amused / perplexed my father, who, having lived and worked around and about the Albert Dock as an employer for much of the 1960’s, hated the place and most of the people with a passion and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to be associated with the area in any way shape or form. That said, he never cared that much for football anyway, so wouldn’t have got the significance of people just following successful clubs irrespective of where they were from.

    People do tend to damn the city because of the club, though – I know two Evertonians (both born and raised fairly close to Goodison) and they are cracking blokes and probably two of the best informed and smartest fans of any club I know. Would agree with Pete – the nonsense narrative from all those connected in some way with LFC since the Torres thing has been deeply embarrassing. Phil Thompson actually used the ‘well the foreign lads, they’ll come and go…’ line before Stelling laughed him out on SSN on Saturday – the guy had been talking about Carroll in virtually the same breath. Ridiculous.

    As for Sunday, having reread my report I think the balance was right – what happened that week overall was far more important than one result, poor though it was. Performance wise, it was certainly a shocker and hopefully Carlo will have learned from it. I think of Dalglish – a smart tactician / manager, no question – and the way he has come into the league again as almost being like a Championship manager that no-one in the top flight really has any experience of and as such, he will spring a few surprises. Whether that can be sustained is anyone’s guess – we know nothing, after all…!

    Pete – wasn’t Emlyn Hughes fond of spouting the Chelsea / Heysel theory to anyone that would listen too?

  5. Ososdeoro

    Ramires and Josh must play. The forwards have got to have someone getting them the ball. FL was suck on Sunday, and one wonders why he’d take the day off against Pool of all clubs, but normally he gives us a chance to win.

    I think Essien is probably hurt more than he tells anyone.

  6. Anonymous

    “Josh McEachran’s fine pass…

    The missing players gave Chelsea midfielder Josh McEachran, who has played 14 times for the Stamford Bridge outfit this season, the opportunity to feature for the Under-21 side for the second time. And the 17-year-old impressed with a neat passing game which was at the heart of England’s most promising moves.

    A delightful diagonal ball from McEachran teed up Oxlade-Chamberlain 

    A wonderful 40-yard pass by McEachran split the Italy centre-backs…”

    Sorry about the wall of text. All comments from the U21’s match report on the BBC. Sounds like someone impressed….

  7. Ososdeoro

    Picked up this Arneson quote:

    “I’ve watched Josh since he was 12, when I came here. I’ve followed him and saw then he was a big, big talent. But you never know how far it goes…how will a player cope when he gets up to the youth team? He did some very good things on tour in pre-season and maybe in half a year we will have to consider him going on loan, probably a little bit sooner to a Premier League club than Sturridge or Kakuta.”

    Oh dear. Perhaps we can loan him to our starting lineup or something.

    • Anonymous

      I know. Good enough to play for his country but not good enough to play for us when Lamps, Essien, Mikel, Malouda and Didier are all in dodgy or awful form. So pissed off.

      If anyone saw his performance today, you’d know that he’s ready. Just fucking start him Carlo.

      • Ososdeoro

        I mean, Kelly certainly isn’t good enough to start for HIS team yet. Look how he cocked it all up on Sunday. Oh, wait.

        • Der_Kaiser

          Slightly unfair comparison – Kelly wasn’t actually that great on Sunday, it’s just that we didn’t do nearly enough to test him; like most of the players on the pitch, he gave the ball away far too much (nearly half of the passes he made went astray). Think he’s done fairly well under Dalglish, but a bigger test might be interesting.

          • Ososdeoro

            True, it is a slightly unfair comparison, though Martin Kelly was going against Chelsea and Cole, and that’s still a big test in my book, even the way CFC played Sunday. Unfair I think though, because Kelly is nearly 4 years older.

  8. PeteW

    Yes, I think Hughes made the Heysel comments but they did come from the very top of the club as well, John Smith, the club chairman. Really is inexcusable.

    Interestingly, on glory supporters or whatever, was discussing reasons for Chelsea’s declining attendences in the 70s and 80s and after going through the obvious reasons – crap team, crap stadium, high prices, hooliganism, racism – also clocked the legions of Plastic Scousers and Cockney Reds must have had a lot to do with it.

    Until the 60s, people supported their local team (often BOTH their local teams), but that ended in the 70s and 80s when a) the London clubs all went into decline, Chelsea especially; b) it became a lot easier and cheaper to travel up north.

    Suddenly, Liverpool and Man Utd supporters could really come from anywhere and Chelsea’s fanbase went from top five to piddling and probably still hasn’t recovered as a result.

    • DayTripper

      Just as a side note, it was Hughes, was it not, who broke Osgood’s leg (a league cup tie against Blackpool)? They are both gone now, and anyway one shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. Osgood still managed to become a magnificent player after that horrific injury (and the surgery and re-hab would have been much more primitive in those days) but I often wonder whether he might have become a truly great player. It was rare to see such balance and skill in one so big, but many supporters observed that he never moved quite so freely thereafter

  9. ChrisE_UK

    Can someone enlighten me on the Chelsea / Heysel theory please? I’ve been on this mortal coil for some 54 years but this is news to me….

  10. John

    A great piece and first comment, which say how I feel much more creatively than I could manage. Hate the bastards now even though I didn’t mind them when they were successful. They’ve got everything that characterised Man United about 20 years – bitter fans who think they’re superior to everyone else and have some sort of divine right to trophies, plastic supporters all over the country who’ve never been to a live game, never mind Anfield, friends in the media establishment and ex-players who don’t seem to realise their position as pundits requires objectivity and who have conspired to allow Hillsborough to airbrush Heysel out of history. As for Hughes, the Royalty-smarming, Tory cunt: I saw Ossie both pre- and post-broken leg, and if anyone doubts how he’d have been an even bigger legend just watch the film of him at Anfield, FA Cup 3rd Round 1966, gliding across a muddy ground for about 40 yards the tackles fly past, not dribbling so much as smoothly accelerating through the gears. Perhaps we should use Ossie’s example. Explaining in his book how the broken leg incident was all a bit nasty on Hughes’s part, he bears him no grudge “After all, my leg got better – he’s still got that fucking silly voice”. We’ll recover from Sunday’s hurt, and no doubt in time the wheel will turn so that we’re once again amongst the football strugglers, But we won’t get bitter, and the scousers will always have that fucking horrible phlegmy accent.

  11. PeteW

    The Chelsea/Heysel theory was simply that Liverpool fans were all so marvellous they couldn’t possibly be involved in the sort of hooliganism that happened that day, so it had to be Chelsea, who had a much worse reputation.

    Think Leeds and Millwall were also named as suspects but the Liverpool chairman, John Smith, actually named Chelsea fans as being responsible. Other Liverpool officials commented on the large number of fans present with cockney accents (there are famously no Liverpool fans from London of course). There were also rumours of a large NF presence, which had to be Chelsea because people in the north are not racist at all.

    These claims were made by Liverpool fans and officials and were repeated in the Liverpool Echo, and also made their way into the national press. As I say, I remember going to school soon afterwards and the Liverpool fans at school giving me a hard time saying it was all Chelsea’s fault because we had the worst hooligans around and we’d got everybody banned from Europe. The narrative about Liverpool fans amazingness was established already, and neither Liverpool fans nor the media were going to let the deaths of 39 people get in the way for too long.

    There’s more here.

    And here

  12. Dannybrod51

    A timely and much needed vent there Tony. Says much of what I would have wanted to say. Watching Clarkie on Sunday sort out all the tactical moves to nullify our boys was painfull. Realising we don’t have a number 2 who can support our manager like that, is painfull. Watching them come with a plan that worked to the last letter, with no come back from us, was painfull. Watching Carlo beached and confused and unable to work it out on his own, was painfull. Hearing Torres say in Spain on Monday that Liverpool surprised us with their tactics, when they played exactly the same system at Stoke last Wednesday, was painfull. Realising we are supposed to have a guy who watches the opposition and prepares a detailed report – namely Emenalo – and realising he can’t do his simple fucking job, is painfull. Realising that all this is because Roman wants it that way, presumably so as to prevent any semblance of a management team that might oppose him in the way Jose did, is painfull. Realising Carlo accepts the deal, that he is a Head Coach and works with the players and staff he is given, is painfull. Realising Roman is surrounded by idiot advisors – who as Butch might just have pointed out to his own personal detriment: don’t know the game – is painfull. Knowing that, though our new players are fantastic acquisitions, but won’t rescue the season, is painfull. Hearing Drogba today talking about the “bad mood” in the dressing room, is painfull. Realising that, given our fixture list and theirs, that Liverpool have, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, actually got a GOOD chance of overtaking us, is painfull in the extreme. Thinking about losing our Champions League place, is so painfull it is actually keeping me awake at night – I mean, Torres has come here because we have a regular Champions League place and used to actually challenge for and win stuff. Someone please come on here with an analysis that convinces me differently…I usually try to see the positives, but can’t find them.

  13. Ososdeoro

    Actually I found Didier’s remarks somewhat comforting. As long as they’re angry they’ll probably still try. I’m glad he sees FT as a plus. The FT comments, about being surprised, however, somewhat discomfiting.

  14. Anonymous

    Like Beckenbauer sliding in for a tackle, the good Kaiser beat me to it. See, all the good news is to do with the future! If we can just struggle through till May everything will look much cheerier.

  15. Gleb

    I have a weird idea about how computer technology might be used to prevent errors with flagging offsides, because those are the most annoying (bar goal/no goal, of course), since many tactics and, consequently, many teams actually rely on beating the offside trap/setting the offside trap, so if the linesman gets that one wrong, it’s a real kick in the nuts, because it’s not random, like a tackle, it’s rehearsed. Anyways, why can’t we use those computer chip tracking thingies that measure the distance ran by a certain player to track whether the opposing striker was further towards goal than the last defender? It’s easy enough, isn’t it? As far as I know, they’re all “wearing” that device or whatever it is anyway, so why not use it? The same way the offside rule is determined in something as simple as a video game? The system tracks everyone’s position and the ball’s position, and makes the perfect decision.

    I’m talking specifically about the offside rule because of the well-know argument against technology that states that human error (referees) is part of the game, part of the appeal, is a tradition et cetera, et cetera. I can accept that when it comes to minor decisions, but the offside rule is actually a… I don’t know, a rule, it’s set in stone, it’s a vital part of the game, I mean, you HAVE to get it right, there’s no room for discretion and whatnot. So we have to at least sort that one out, together with whether there was a goal or not (that one’s absurd in itself). The rest – tackles, even penalties – is open for debate, because the challenge system, for example, WILL get abused. Football doesn’t stop every 10 seconds like tennis or American football, so it’s not gonna work. But goals and offsides should be fair, all the time.

    • Ososdeoro

      I like those ideas. I think for tackles the technology could be used to rescind (and possibly award) cards as well. The camera catches all sorts of things the referees, being human, can’t possibly. A review could be done within a minute or two. If someone is sent off unjustifiably and the camera provides clear evidence of that, then teams should have the option of putting the player back in at the next break. If something turns out to have been a flop, then perhaps the player could be notified of that at the next break in action with a yellow card or worse.

  16. Anonymous

    Branners new deal is probably the best signing we’ll make all year. He’s been a shining beacon in an otherwise dull and overcast season.

    Hope to God the rumours about Mario Gomez are just that. It’d be like signing a taller, less-prolific Kalou if we got him. *shudder*.

  17. DayTripper

    On the subject of defenders, I am based in France and so was able to watch the France Brazil game on Wednesday. Brazil lost 1-0 but they played the majority of the game with 10 men. David Luiz was outstanding. He was very strong defensively, assured in possession, but what particularly impressed me was his distribution out of defence, often finding some real telling passes to the midfield and attack. To my mind, he will prove to be the better of our 2 recent signings.

    While talking of Brazilians, do we know why Ramires did not even get picked on the bench for the Liverpool game?

  18. Anonymous

    Just reading the latest praise for Josh’s performance this week, from Villa’s Albrighton.

    The article mentions Pearce will only take Josh to the U21 tournament in the summer if he thinks he’s a starter. We’d be fortunate if he went, could be great experience for him.

  19. PeteW

    ‘Other teams win and they’re happy, but it’s not the same.’

    This is the point I actually threw up.

    Been lapped up on Twitter it seems. I wonder how they’d react if an English footballer was talking like that?

  20. Anonymous

    Daniel Sturridge + regular football = goals. Simple.

    3 in 3 for Bolton, better form than any of our ‘actual’ strikers. We simply cannot let him go in the summer.

    He and Torres next season for me, maybe Nico in the hole behind. Take what we can for the Drogs.

    • Jon

      wow … just goes to show that if Carlo had the balls to drop Drogs or Nico and give DS a chance to shine we might have won or at least scored more in our previous games.

      DS and Nando should make for a great front paid next season … bring in Lukaka and it will be a fearsome attack.

      Then all we need are some wingers …

  21. Cunningplan

    I have to say guys, I’m somewhat surprised that we haven’t jumped on the media wankfest of having witnessed the greatest premiership goal of all time at the weekend.

    Surely as football fans we have a duty to discuss, and drool over it? 😉

  22. Der_Kaiser

    Morning all,

    Big game tonight – really can’t afford to be slipping up now if we’re going to hang on to CL football next season. Fulham are on a decent run and would like nothing better than to cause us additional grief.

    All seems to be going well for Sturridge, which is good news. Probably should have played more regularly this season if we’re taking a short-term view, but he’s under less pressure up at Bolton which will hopefully do him good in the long run. He’s almost certain to be back here next season, barring disaster / lunacy.

    • FanSinceTheSixties

      That’s an interesting take on our financial position.

      The post match interview with DS looked promising as he seems quite keen on getting back to play for his place – just shows what a difference a few goals makes – and he took this last one really well.

      One benefit of loaning our guys out is that it makes those MOTDs far more involving.

  23. PeteW

    My Twitter feed went ape over the Rooney goal, but when I saw it I was a bit disappointed. He shinned it! Impressive athleticism for a fat bastard, but pretty jammy when you see where the ball hit him.

    Mark Hughes scored those for fun back in the day, though never for us.

    • Anonymous

      In my vague, romanticised memory Sparky’s goal for us in the home leg of either the League Cup semi v Arsenal or Cup Winners’ Cup v Vicenza in 1998 was pretty spectacular, but no doubt some sod will dig out the YouTube proof that they were both pretty tame 😉

      • Der_Kaiser

        Vicenza one was pretty good as he basically ‘assisted’ himself – headed the ball on and chased it down. Hazy memories of the Arsenal one – can only really remember Robbie’s screamer in the second leg (Luca’s first game in charge) to be honest. I’m sure the bone in my leg has never been the same since it met the seat in front with some force when that one flew past Seaman…

        Didn’t Sparky get one of his bicycle kick specials against – possibly – Derby in the league? 4-0 game that was Franco’s only hat trick for us?

  24. Anonymous

    Nick’s invited me to do tonights report. To be specific he asked if I’d like to go cottaging. Does anyone know if I should swing left or right as I come out of Hampstead Station?

  25. Ososdeoro

    That Luiz guy is pretty good for a first-timer!

    As for the front, if you can’t say anything nice….to be fair, Fulham are in very good form at the moment, though they seem to be completely inept at offensive set pieces….good thing for us.

  26. Jon

    someone please explain why we buy Nando and then still play long balls up to him? He wants it to his feet!! We can’t seem to get behind fulham at all. That said 25 mins remaining … and maybe kalou will change that?? hmm doesn’t seem promising.

    Why can’t we pass anymore and why is our tempo so slow?? Did we not figure that out against the pool? Slow build up and long balls are not the answer? Or have our players forgotten how to play so CA has resorted to these tactics?

  27. Gleb

    With this kind of play, we might as well write this season off, but damn – Luiz and Ramires are top-class!!! Luiz is amazing, where has he been??? We’re so lucky to have them both! Nando is kinda lost… But our entire attack is as spineless as they get, so it’s not his fault… 10 minutes to go, we seem to be piling up the pressure.

  28. Anonymous

    David Luiz what a PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, apart from him and Braner from time to time all the rest are exceptionally dull.

  29. Anonymous

    Dull dull dull dull dull.

    Absolutely zero spark or creativity. Malouda and Kalou look so utterly pointless. Flo seems to have no pace any more.

    Nice debut Luiz. Oh……

    Another defeat. Nice.

  30. Nick Benfield

    First 90 minutes I’ve seen for a while. Um, yeah. How many Brazilians are we allowed in the team? I think we should buy eight more. David Luiz (never a penalty) and Ramires are a class double act.

    Prediction: David Luiz will score his first Chelsea goal before Torres – not through any fault of Torres’s though: play the ball to his feet and he’ll score for fun; hoof it up to him and… well, we saw what happens tonight.

    Forget the effing title – worry about staying in the top four…

  31. Austin Solari

    I only saw the second half after listening to the first half. Seems Ramirez and Luiz were monsters while Malouda should have stayed in bed.
    Luiz is a joy to watch and at only 23, let’s hope he is with us for a long time.

  32. Anonymous

    94 minutes on the clock and Ashley plays a fairly ordinary ball towards Krap-alou. It doesn’t get there, they both gesticulate like twattish little kids and neither does any running back to try and receive the lost ball. Un-fucking-forgivable.

    So its now all about trying to finish top 4. Looking like a big ask for that. Saddled with a £50m albatross around our necks as well. The press will be all over his case until he does, well, something. Anything.

    Drogba looked his usual selfish self. Wasting decent late opportunities to fizz the ball into the box, favouring instead the slice wild efforts behind the goal from his weaker foot. Brilliant.

    22 attempts, a whole 4 on target. That’s a fucking disgrace. A supposed embarrassment of riches up front is really nothing more than an embarrassment.

    I’m sure somehow, someone will be able to defend it. No idea how, but each to their own.

  33. Benjami

    mental game, but same problems over and over again!!

    I am now starting to lose patience with CA, I want him to achieve, I want him to be our manager next season, but again and again we fail against teams we need to win.

    They have figured this set-up out Carlo, you need to change it!!!

    For me we need Anelka, because he can slip those little balls and make those special moments. Which is why we bought Torres!

    David Luiz looks unbelievably good 😀

  34. Jon

    Carlo must go, bring in Boas. Here’s why:

    1) If CA decided before the game to tell the players to hoof it to Nando then he is tactically inept. Even my mum knows Nando feeds of balls to his feet.

    2) If CA did not order this tactic and the players did it anyway, he’s lost control of the dressing room and must go.

    3) Does he not understand the concept of getting in behind defenders? If not and hence why all our shots were from distance, he must go!

    4) If he does understand the concept but can’t get our players to do this, he must go!!

    I cannot justify why CA should stay. We have good players, but they are playing like shit. Whose to blame? How can you start a season so well and then watch the wheels come off and keep the same tactics, formations again and again. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing again and again but expect different results …

  35. Anonymous

    Last post before I construct a bonfire from all the Chelsea possessions I own.

    I want to cry every time I see Butch on Sky Sports. Not only does he ‘know’ football, he speaks so well of the squad. He’s obviously wrong to say they’ll improve – they won’t because they’re utterly useless mercenary cunts – but we’re a dead beast without him.

    Why oh why was he ever ‘removed’? That’s got to he up there with the biggest mistakes in the World ever.

    So, top 4. Can we do it?

  36. Anonymous


    Luiz – World class already (apart from a dumb and tired challenge)
    Ramires – I take it all back


    Erm, where do you start?
    Carlo – Torres for Didier in a must win game! Really! Say it again and tell me if it makes sense. It was a fucking moronic decision which just humiliates Torres further. Yes Fernando looked a bit rusty but when you need a goal, he’s certainly more dangerous than keeping Essien on. I love the guy but Carlo’s subs are so bloody dumb sometimes that I just want him to leave in the summer. Seeing Jose in the stands only made my opinion of Carlo fall further.
    Malouda – Awful. Slow, lazy, can’t run, can’t pass, can’t shoot, can’t tackle, can’t fucking do anything. Goodbye mate.
    Anelka – Slow, lazy and obsessed with taking 4 or 5 touches. His insistence on ruining a Ramires break away by slowing the play down and then giving the ball away was hilariously bad.
    Midfield – Any craft or creativity there? Thought not.
    Football – Could you believe the stuff you were watching out there. The tempo was glacial. The passing was abysmal at times and the final ball wasn’t that much better.
    League table – 5th! To Spurs! If we don’t get in the top 4, we’re fucked.

    There we go, venting over and I fear that we are seeing the end of Carlo’s reign. This summer is going to be massive for us.

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